What Kills Him
by RossRachlovin
Summary: CHAPTER 3 ADDED! I see her everyday with him. They’re soul mates, they fit together. So where do I belong?
1. Joey

**Disclaimer: All Friends characters belong to Bright, Kauffman, and Crane.**

**Rating: PG**

**Summary: I see her everyday with him. They're soul mates, they fit together. So where do I belong?**

* * *

_Why does she love him? Everyone thinks they belong together but I know they don't. I know she belongs to me. I know we're destined to be together. But she doesn't know. I'm just her best friend. Always there for her whenever they have a fight or when she needs to talk. Best friends forever. Some times I hate the words best friends. She uses them to describe us but I use words like soul mates._

_Sometimes when I see them together, I want to scream at him that she's mine. But she's not mine, she's his. So I sit there silently, pretending that I don't care, when deep down I'm dying._

_He doesn't appreciate her beauty. I have every part of her memorized. I know where every scar, where every birthmark is. I could go on for hours about her eyes, and how beautiful they are. He takes her kisses for granted. Every little kiss on the cheek she gives me, I memorize everything about it._

_I love her. The only woman I've ever really loved and she loves someone else. I could never wreck her relationship. She would be crushed, and seeing her like that would kill me. So instead I act like he's my friend. Like he's a great person. But sometimes I wish he would die. I could never tell anyone that, so instead I sit here thinking about how much I love her._

"Joey? Are you okay?" Her beautiful eyes look at me filled with concern. "Didn't you hear me? We're getting married!"

_Married. They're getting married. I've lost her forever._

"Yah, I heard congratulations. I always knew you guys were soul mates."

Her eyes filled with tears as she wrapped her arms around me. I savoured the moment, wishing it would last forever. But of course it ended when he suddenly appeared to take her out to celebrate.

One last hug and then they walked away hand in hand, off to celebrate their love while I stand here watching my one true love walk away. I knew right then and there that I had lost her forever to the man that I had set her up on a date with. I was the reason that Phoebe would be in Mike's arms tonight and not mine. And that killed me inside.


	2. Phoebe

I've decided to continue this story because I love the idea of Joey and Phoebe!

Disclaimer: All Friends characters belong to Bright, Kauffman, and Crane.

Rating: PG

Summary: I see her everyday with him. They're soul mates, they fit together. So where do I belong?

"… I always knew you guys were soul mates."

When I heard him say that I knew that there was no chance of the two of us. I would never feel his lips against mine. I would never get to hear him tell me he loved as more than a friend. My eyes filled with tears as I wrapped my arms around him- maybe for the last time.

I wished it could've lasted forever but Mike showed up to take me out to celebrate. I gave him one last hug and silently told him that I loved him and walked away with my fiancé.

What was I doing? Why did I say yes to Mike? I didn't love him. I loved Joey. But Joey didn't love me. After all he was the one who set us up. He said so himself, that me and Mike are soul mates. Joey could never feel that way about me. He could have any girl he wanted. So why would he want me?

I knew Joey was what I wanted. I had known that ever since that night a few years ago.

* * *

_I had run into Joey and Rachel's apartment looking for Rachel. But instead of her, Joey was there. I didn't mean to tell him but it all just came rushing out._

_"Pheebs? What's wrong? Is everything okay?" His brown eyes looked at me concerned._

_I knew right there, that I could trust him. "Joey, I think I'm pregnant." He didn't need to say anything, he just held me in his arms._

_"Pheebs?" he whispered in my ear. "You know I'll be there for you and the baby right? I'll do anything to help. You can move in here so I can help you with the baby."_

_"Joey, you can't kick Rachel out."_

_"She'd understand! Her and Ross have been talking a lot lately about moving in together. They just need a little push." I looked at Joey and suddenly saw him in a whole new light. His face was so handsome and filled with concern. I wanted to kiss him so badly but I managed to hold back when Mike's face flashed into my mind._

_"I need to tell Mike." I stammered. Joey's face suddenly changed, it flashed with pain. But as quickly as it changed it changed back._

_"Pheebs, just remember I'll be here for you no matter what."_

_It turned out to be a false alarm. But Joey's promise still burned in my memory. I knew that I had fallen in love with Joey._

* * *

Now here I was, 3 years later. I was engaged to a man I didn't love and the man I did love was probably with some other woman. I would've killed to be that woman.

I wanted Joey. I needed to feel his lips. I needed to feel him next to me. I needed Joey. He was the only person who could always make me laugh. He could cheer me up when I was sad. Joey and Phoebe. Our names sounded so perfect together. Phoebe Tribbiani. It sounded so much better then Phoebe Hannigan. We were the perfect couple. But Joey didn't see me like that. I was just his hippie best friend. But I knew we were more then best friends. We were lobsters. Made for each other. I knew what I had to do.

"Phoebe? You've been awfully quite. Is everything okay?" My fiancé looked at me slightly concerned.

"Um yah I'm fine except I left something in Joey's apartment. I'll be right back."

"Okay, I'll meet you at the restaurant." I started heading towards Joey's apartment. I had no idea what I was doing. Before I knew it I was at Joey's door. So I just knocked. Joey opened the door, his face was tear stained.

I didn't even wait to ask him why he was crying. I just did something I had wanted to do for 3 years. I kissed him.


	3. Here Without You

So I decided to continue this story. It was only going to be one chapter but I got an idea for a second chapter. Somehow my little one shot is now at chapter 3 and still going. Tell me if you think I should keep writing!

Disclaimer: All Friends characters belong to Bright, Kauffman, and Crane.

Rating: PG

Summary: I see her everyday with him. They're soul mates, they fit together. So where do I belong?

She left with him. Just left. No looking back. The tears wouldn't stop now. Phoebe would get married and be happy and I would die alone. Stuck here forever. In love with Phoebe. She didn't love me. I knew Phoebe was gone but when I heard that knock, I thought that maybe it was her.

I barely remember opening the door and seeing Phoebe there. I just remember her lips on mine. A kiss that could rival Ross and Rachel's. Years of passion suddenly released. I never wanted it to end. But when it did I began to wish it had never started.

She pulled away from me. "Joey, I am so sorry. I don't know what I was doing."

"Phoebe it's okay." I wanted to tell her that I loved her but she started talking again.

"I just got thinking that once I married Mike that was it. I would never kiss another guy. I guess I just wanted a send off. I don't know."

"I understand."

"Thank you so much. I was afraid for a minute you might think that it meant something." I felt like I had been slapped in the face. But she could never know how much pain those words caused me.

"No of course not. You know I don't think of you like that." My heart was breaking even as I spoke those words.

"Well I better get back to Mike. Tomorrow we're having a little party to celebrate. You'll be there right?"

"Yah of course." It was a dream come true. I would get to watch Phoebe and Mike laughing, touching, kissing. "I can't wait."

"Okay. I guess I'll see you later." Once again Phoebe walked out of my life like she had so many times but none of them had ever hurt like this did.

I was so stupid. I thought that kiss meant that maybe she loved me too. I just wanted to die. Being dead sounded so much better then being here. When I was dead I couldn't think about Phoebe anymore.

I had no idea what I was doing when I grabbed those sleeping pills. Or when I sat down to write everyone a letter explaining my decision. Once I was done I looked at those pills one last time before swallowing the whole bottle. It was all over. My decision had been made. The last thing I remember before darkness set in was a song playing on the radio.

A hundred days have made me older  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face  
A thousand lies have made me colder  
And I don't think I can look at this the same  
But all the miles that separate  
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'  
As the people leave their way to say hello  
I've heard this life is overrated  
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go  
It gets hard but it wont take away my love  
And when the last one falls  
When it's all said and done  
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl its only you and me

Just you and me Phoebe. Just you and me.


End file.
